1. Either I'm going through what I'm going through to learn something new
OR
2. IF Calvinism is true, then perhaps I'm just not lucky enough to be loved by God.
My family is the biggest burden I have so far. The fact that I lost the only few friends whom I can ever express myself too adds on to it.
I've had enough of my mother not having a job yet not wanting to help me out in things that she can help me out with. I've had enough of her nagging. She's been working so much all her life, so find, she showed her love by money. Once the money stopped flowing, she pretends that she's been a great mother who spends time with her kids since young and knows them perfectly well. Heads up, you don't know me at all.
My dad. Arrogant and unreasonable, the worse combo. I study in the day and go for my tuitions, and what happens at night? I used the internet, and with a holiday tomorrow, I use it past midnight.
He goes on and on about how it's been affecting my results and how I'm using it too much but like wha-?!
I worked for my trials, I've improved on almost every single paper by at least a 10 mark margin and still you say it's not enough?
All I want is a short break before SPM, and you can't give it to me because you refuse to be "disobeyed"
Come to think of it, my upbringing was terrible.
Why am I so different from my sister in terms of confidence? Why am I so not confident in all I do and say? Why do I have such a temper?
My dad has a worse temper than me so...check.
The last time I heard them say "sorry" to me genuinely was probably when I wouldn't stop crying as a kid. They have an ego so high that even when they're wrong, they always somehow twist the situation "We MIGHT be wrong, but your response was also wrong so... blabla"
I don't understand. When you do something wrong, you apologize! You don't point out mistakes in someone else's reaction to your wrongdoing first!!!
The blame was always placed on me, so perhaps that's why I'm always so insecure in my beliefs, my faith and my friends.
God knows how much I yearn for someone I can pour my tears out to again.
Will I grow up to be a bitter man? Will I hold on to the hatred in my heart and take revenge on the ones who started it all?
Or will I be the better man and show the unloving what love is?
Only time will tell.
